Peace

Peace can be found in many places but truly, peace comes from within. If you are not at peace with yourself, how can you be peaceful with anything or anyone else?

Today's entry has a lot of personal meaning, so hopefully, you'll enjoy it and perhaps begin to understand me better as a writer and a person.

Today, I fished the Naugatuck River. It runs adjacent to my new apartment complex. I caught a small rainbow trout, but was initially enticed to fish there by three guys in neoprene waders who vowed they had caught a 15 lb salmon. Although I did not succumb to the fishing story, I did find peace along the Naugatuck River bank. I walked up and down, casting under trees, getting my feet wet on a cold, November Day.

Fishing has always brought me back to an even keel. Even in the most treacherous waters (specifically, times in my life where there has been a lot of change), fishing is something that my soul craves. It nurtures me back to a steady cantor. It is a connection with nature, a rhythm, and I'm lucky to have this river right across the street from my place.

What is it that brings you peace? When things are up in the air in your life, what do you do to bring yourself back, reel yourself in, find that cantor?

I have always been somewhat of a loner. I enjoy doing things alone, I enjoy being alone, and I do some of my best work at 5:00am, alone. I'm a technical writer. Perfect fit. I like to garden alone (sometimes), but I like cooking with someone, not just for myself.

I'm wondering if the stars will ever align for me - if I will ever be truly fulfilled with the company of another? For me, it is like the Schopenhauer fable that Jen shared with me - about the porcupines. This fable says it all and it is only now that I realize the truth it represents. I am stubborn (I don't stop fishing until I catch at least one) and I always get what I want. Determined goat. I'm also a big mush and cry in the Hallmark store. Seriously.

There are advantages and disadvantages to self-sufficiency. It can attract those who are self-sufficient and simultaneously drive away those who need more...

This fall has been one of great revelation for me. There has been a lot of change in my life and some growth, as well as the possibility of a new job on the horizon. As always, I remain optimistic that the best position will come to me.

In peace, I hold my thoughts and feelings close, knowing that patience, honor, and respect will win over everything else. As long as I can soothe my soul, casting a line along the Naugatuck River in the meantime...

Happy Birthday tomorrow, Dad. I love you.

Peace. Out.